


Going Home

by Meemie_the_Eevee



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nihilism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-02-11 02:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12925407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meemie_the_Eevee/pseuds/Meemie_the_Eevee
Summary: Fall from a sixty or so foot drop, impaled by spikes, pelted to death with vegetables...Yeah, you’ve been dead enough times to know exactly what death’s door looks like.You’ve never stayed dead before, though, and that’s the only thing pushing you forward.Trying to find your way homeUntil a little skeleton grabs you by the shirt collar with a blue glint in his eye.





	1. A Fun Little Prologue from a Fun Little Skeleton

Despite there being a literal stone wall between monsters and humans, many of those cliche expressions from the humans manage to wriggle their way into the underground’s vocabulary. After all, fallen books from the garbage dump are like messengers from fairy-tale lands, deciphered and reprinted for the monster public. I remember one of the phrases I read somewhere in some book tucked in the corner of the librarby. Something about the eyes being the window to the soul. Never really pegged humans to be the observant types, but you learn something new every day, I guess. 

The funny thing about expressions is that they’re damn good descriptions of truths if you look into them hard enough. They give an apt description when words can’t accurately peg it down, finding an image to go with a feeling and a feeling to go with fact. Though it’s all pretty subjective, isn’t it? The expressions written on paper, written on a face…reflecting the soul like a mirror…

Sentry jobs in Hotland can certainly give you a lot of time to monster-watch as a number of expressions pass by. The younger ones with straighter backs and wider smiles have an energy in their step. Sometimes I’ll hear talk about the souls and what they imagine the surface will be like. The hunched-over old-timers won’t share that same hope, nor despair over the inevitable. Their smiles are ones of pity at the hopeful youngsters with dreams that have died long ago, leaving the next generation neck-deep in denial.

I never wanted to become one of those oldies, just anticipating the time when the little ray of sunshine and hope in my life falls into despair. That pure hope in the expression of someone too pure for this world is something too precious to suffocate in hopelessness, at least, not to his face. It would be like leaving dirty tracks over a perfect sheet of newly-fallen snow…heh, what a metaphor.

Of course, I wasn’t surprised to see my own tracks in the snow along the road near my station that day. The little indents in the snow clearly marked them out, but was filled in to looking like little valleys. I was surprised, however, to see the tracks of freshly-pressed snow stamped into the surface. The falling flakes didn’t even have enough time to cover up the specks of dirt.

I creased my brow at this. No one besides me has walked on this road in months and this was definitely no Froggit. I kept inside the cover of the trees, only moving forward by teleporting. Squinting ahead, a flash of blue and pink creeps through the haze of falling snow. The silhouette was far too big to be any kind of Whimsun or Moldsmal. Yet, something was definitely striking a chord in the back of my mind.

I held my breath and took a shortcut closer to the figure, close enough to make out a kid, a bit shorter than myself, with a striped sweater. “well, fuck…” I muttered under my breath. Should’ve known I’d only go so long without actually having to do my job. Still, the way they walked on caused an uneasy feeling to rise within me. Like they didn’t have any fear or even concern of the place they’ve strolled into. My lower eye socket twitches as they step over a thicker branch tucked into the snow. Perhaps they just needed a bit of a wake-up call.

A glowing femur emerged from a wisp of magic, floating content in my control before my wrist flicked and the bone pierced the branch behind the human. It snapped with a resounding crack that forced the kid’s shoulders to tense up. They whipped around to face the branch, and their eyes…

That expression…

That’s the expression of someone who’s already faced death…more than once…

I could practically feel my soul knotting up, bones going still. There was no mistaking it. Their expression…their soul…it was one void of the curiosity I’ve seen in most children, void of the hope seen in younger monster generations, even void of the despair seen by those who have abandoned hope long ago. Their expression was blank, emotionless, unwavering… and expressions always tell the truth.

The kid turned back around and continued on their path towards the bridge. My mind raced as I watched them advance, frustrated at this confounding factor. How? How could they be dead…but still alive? Maybe they just had a few brushes with death…no, that’s not it. It was engraved in their very soul that they had already died, but are still walking. 

Their foot hit the edge of the bridge, the bars Papyrus built standing wide open, practically welcoming the human through. Yet, they didn’t take the invitation. They stared down over the edge of the cliff, brow creased. I shoved my hands into my pockets and steeled myself. This…whatever it was…wasn’t gonna get to Papyrus that easily. The tip of my pink slipper stepped out of the concealing shadows.

And the kid jumped straight off the cliff into nothingness.


	2. Cause I’m FREEEEE….FREE FALLING!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not the determined little human you were expecting, was it?

This wasn’t the first time you just couldn’t get up in the morning.

It became like an occasional nuisance after a while, like waking up to a sore throat and a stuffy nose. Except it happened a lot more often and left you feeling like you were about to cry. You didn’t quite understand all of it and you really didn’t care to. Did it matter? It just happened and there really wasn’t anything you could do about it. 

This was the first time you couldn’t get up after a hundred-yard drop, however.

Light filtered in through the opening far above your head, turning the flower petals encasing your body from a soft yellow to a striking gold color. The looser petals tickled your skin lightly, leaving you slightly itchy, but too exhausted to scratch them…or move for that matter. Rock walls surrounded you on all sides, making the opening above seem even further away, leaving you wondering how the ever-loving fuck you had even survived that fall without so much as a broken toe.

You let out a groan as you willed control to gradually re-enter your fingers, then wrists. This wasn’t part of the plan at all. You chose probably the highest fucking drop for miles around as extra insurance. Was a quick death by a shattered neck and spine really too much to ask? You tried to think of your next course of action. If you could climb up high enough and tried jumping again, it might be enough to break an arm, knowing your luck. You could always die of dehydration, but that would probably take a few days and you weren’t too keen on enduring that. There’s a good chance you could find a jagged rock sharp enough to cut through skin, but that was guaranteed to be painful, drawn-out, and messy. 

You gave yourself to the count of three before you forced your body to move. Every bone complained against the movement, but you fought against yourself to your feet. It felt exhausting to stand, to breathe, to blink, to try and take in your surroundings. You commanded your legs to move you towards the one opening in the cavernous area, looming over you like the entrance to a castle. You had expected to find more jagged, uneven terrain than smoothed floors, walls, and even patches of grass. But you figured the universe decided that today was the day it would take your expectations as a personal challenge.

“Howdy! I’m Flowey! Flowey the Flower!”

Though, even this was quite far-fetched for the extent of universal screwing. 

You stared incredulously at the happy little flower. Maybe you had hit your head harder than you thought. Or you really died and went straight to hell. “You’re new to the Underground, aren’tcha? Golly, you must be so confused! Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do” he chirped with among the widest grins you’ve ever seen. Funny, you thought, you never really pictured Satan to look like this.

Suddenly, the whole darkened cave grew instantly darker, like someone had switched off a light. “Ready? Here we go!” The darkness was interrupted by a warm, red glow coming from your chest. The glow grew brighter as it floated gently in front of your face. Your expression must have been priceless because the flower giggled at you. “See that heart? That’s your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!” You stared at your “soul” with curiosity. You could faintly make out the shape of a small red heart, small hairline marks slightly evident in the surface. The spawn-of-Satan-flower was going on about something, but you didn’t pick up on it. All your focus was on this tiny little thing that was supposed to be your soul.

“Down here, LOVE is spread through little white friendliness pellets!” Your attention was shot back to the present as a host of white orbs, no bigger than the size of your thumb, encircle you. “Ready, friend?” You flinched at the sound of the change in Satan-flower’s tone. When you stared back at him, his face morphed and melted around his features into a wicked grin. “Die!” 

The host barreled into your little red soul, sending a white-hot pain shooting through your body. You grunted and fell to your knees from the pain and shock of the attack, letting the burning sensation course through you. You could hear a whirring in the air around you and the corner of your eye caught the eager spinning of another “friendliness pellet” as the flower cackled manically like a comic book villain. This definitely wasn’t how you expected to die, but you’ll take it. It’s better than the alternatives, honestly. You wait for the final blow to strike you down, shutting your eyes tight against the pain and adrenaline thundering through every inch of you.  
…  
…  
…  


Okay, Satan-flower was either being way too dramatic in his triumph or something’s up. You unclenched your eyes and shift your limbs to support your body better as a soft song reaches your ears. “What a miserable creature, torturing such a poor innocent youth!” You lifted your eyes to the song-like voice to see two large paw-feet…attached to a long dress…attached to the head of a goat towering taller than any human you’ve ever seen above you. The goat head smiled down at you with a warmth a mother would a child. The creature knelt which only worked to make her look more like a big, fluffy tank than a tower of purple and white.

You stared in silence as the goat-person tilts her head to the side in mild puzzlement. “Um, are you alright, young one?” she questioned. Well, no, you weren’t alright, but that’s a whole saga you weren’t too keen on getting into. You just nod silently at the nice-yet-scary goat woman. She smiled at you and you felt a massive paw pat the top of your head. “Well, that is a relief. My name is Toriel, young child. I pass through here every day to see if anyone has fallen down. You are the first child to have come here for a long time” she mused. You could pick up a sense of nostalgia in her voice. Maybe you were right about the whole mother thing. 

“Come, I will guide you through the catacombs” she soothed as she guided you to your feet. A slight wave of dizziness hit you and you gripped her paw a little harder before letting go. Already, Toriel began making her way to an archway in the distance, the cracked stone standing firm at the entrance to the rest of the cave. Yet, your feet didn’t follow her. They shifted in place as you stared at the back of Toriel’s head. 

You had come here on a mission, one completely different than this. You never asked for any kind of excursion. You asked for a comfortable darkness, a means to an end. You could still try your initial plan B…or C or D. You’ve already made your final choice in life. Somehow, getting another choice felt strange in your stomach, like a poison your body wanted to expel from your system. Did you want another choice. Did you even deserve one? After all, you never expected you make another choice again.

“My child, are you coming?”

Well, it’s already been established that the concept of expectation had been shattered into pieces.


	3. Adult Supervision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, goat mom! Don't leave them alone!

It’s kind of comical that Toriel can be the ultimate mother, yet so daunting at the same time. 

Every time that she turned to face you, it was remarkable that so much warmth could be packed into two small, red eyes, like she was determined to fill each gaze with the sensation of being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket like a happy burrito. When you had successfully solved your first puzzle(which consisted of finding the switch that a dozen arrows pointed to with the message ‘please press this switch’), Toriel glowed with pride.

Still, you couldn’t help but notice the movement shifting along the corners and cracks in each room. In brief glances, you managed to discern a few frog-like creatures, some sort of teary-eyed bug with wings, and what looked to be oversized gelatin given sentience…or, something close to sentience. Regardless, each creature seemed absolutely mortified as they watched Toriel pass by. They shivered as they stared in curiosity and their tension visibly deflated when her back was facing them. You couldn’t help but wonder what made them so scared of this embodiment of maternity. 

Each room seemed to define a new law to the world you found yourself in. Some rooms had several kinds of riddles or puzzles. Some rooms were more empty, like the one where Toriel explained how to handle oneself in a fight. You questioned why fighting was an option if it was so discouraged and why other monsters could attack you, but you weren’t allowed to attack them.

The goat-mom lead you to a long hallway with ivy crawling up the stone walls. You almost ran into her as she stopped abruptly in front of you. She smiled and rested a paw on your head. “My child. I am afraid I must attend to something and you will have to be on your own for a while. I promise I’ll come back to get you as soon as I am complete with my errands. Is that alright?” You paused for a moment, processing what she said. Of course, part of you still wanted to do what you had initially intended and failed in doing. You’re still determined to stick to the plan, after all. Yet, as you had come to realize, plans change. Sometimes a wrench is thrown in it and sometimes a big, fluffy goat-mom unknowingly makes you feel far too awful to carry out those plans. You imagined with a sickening swirl in your stomach the image of this sweet woman coming by here to find the corpse of a child she tried to keep safe. You swallowed hard and nodded to her question, though even you were doubting your own answer.

“Oh! How about I give you this…” Her paw disappeared into a pocket sewn into her dress and pulled out a device that dwarfed in her outstretched palm. You recognized it as a phone many endearingly call the dinosaur of the cellular age. As perhaps expected, the phone looked rather bulky and had a few nicks in the exterior. Still, you stared incredulously at the object. How the hell did some underground society have its own independent cellular network? When you didn’t take the phone on your own, Toriel gently grabbed your hand and placed the phone in yours. “My number is registered already. Please call me if any trouble arises or if you just want to say ‘hi’. I’ll be back soon, my child.” Studying the object in your hand, you offered a smile up at Toriel and thanked her before she takes her leave.

Suddenly, the room felt far more empty without the presence of another living creature. You shifted uncomfortably in place, the vastness of the hallway leaving a twisting sense of unease. You weren’t scared, per say. No, when you have no sense of self-preservation, a lot of fearful situations become a lot less intimidating. Why would they be scary if you’re okay with dying? As if to mock your very thoughts, the sound of a Froggit croaking far down the hall behind you made your heart skip two beats and your feet ushering you to the next room.

The next room was smaller and branched off in two directions on opposite ends of the room. Being the first room that wasn’t a straight-forward path, you felt a pang of curiosity in you. Yet, you hesitated before exploring your surroundings. She did say to remain where you were. Perhaps she had known the rooms ahead were dangerous and just didn’t want you to get hurt. Still, you could explore a bit and come back before she would even realize you left. You told yourself you wouldn’t stray far as you took two steps forward.

RING RING

Of course, what else were you expecting? You fished the phone out of your pocket and answered to a worried Goat Mom. “Hello, my child! This is Toriel! You have not left the room, have you?” The softness in her voice held such earnest and love in it. You could practically feel the warmth of her smile through her voice alone.

“No.” You were a disgusting human being.

“Ah, that is good! There are quite a few traps and puzzles I have yet to explain. It would be very dangerous to try to go on by yourself.” Her words clicked slightly in your mind.

“Dangerous how?”

“W-well, there are pitfalls and stronger monsters ahead. And the spikes…” Toriel trailed off. There we go. That was your way out. “So, it’s safer just to remain in that room. Please stay there, will you not?”

You were sure you were going to hell for this if you didn’t have a one-way ticket already. “Sure. I’ll stay here” you replied as innocently as possible.

“Thank you. Alright, I’ll return before long. Be good, my child!” With that, you heard the drawling tone signaling the end of the call. You cradled the phone in your hand, staring at the faded screen. It feels like everything in your body slowed to a snail’s pace. You could always wait, stay in the room and go home with Toriel for a little while…

No. That would just make what you had to do that much harder on her. You already hurt so many with your first jump, all the people you left behind. You’d only be procrastinating at that point. Getting down on your knees, you gathered a bunch of nearby leaves into a thick pile before nestling the phone in it. It almost looked like the leaves cradled the phone like a soft pillow. You nodded to yourself as you examined your work. This wasn’t necessarily for Toriel’s sake, but your own. With a steeled gaze, you turned your back to the last connection to the last voice you’d ever hear. You had to move on, for good this time. 

You were filled with DETERMINATION.

The very next room had what you were looking for. A large rock, a tile that could be depressed with a bit of weight, and a row of spikes protruding from the floor, about a foot and a half in length. It was fairly easy to guess the solution to the puzzle, but you bypassed the tile without a second thought. Your mind was on autopilot, your eyes heavy with weariness. Everything in your body seemed to ache all at once. Your stomach lurched in the weak pull to return back, but your jaw hardened, gritting your teeth until you heard the sound of enamel grinding against each other.

You stopped in front of the spikes, the tip staring up at you in passivity. Weapons were always neutral, despite the notion that they looked so threatening. But, they didn’t care whether someone lived or died, simply being. Only intention and action really kills people, not the weapon itself. Your feet gave out, giving in to your own intention.

You fell. 

You felt a flash of excruciating pain.

Then felt nothing.


	4. Groundhog Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, campers! Rise and shine and don't forget your booties cuz it's COOOOOOLD out there!

Your eyes flew open as a scream ripped from your throat. The pain became your entire world, no other stimulus managing to break through the thundering wracking every nerve of your body. Your chest was gone and you couldn’t breathe, like a massive wall replaced where your heart and lungs should be. It felt piercing, like your body likened itself to a human shishkebob…

Oh.

The pain throbbed mercilessly but ebbed enough to observe some of your surroundings. First off, you noticed you were lying flat on your back, staring up at a rock ceiling tinted a rich violet. Your head punished you for every inch you rotated your head to your side, but you could forget the pain just for a moment as your nose was just a foot away from a small, familiar pile of leaves with an ancient phone nestled in it. 

Recognition flooded through you as the pain flooded out, like nothing had ever happened. The room looked exactly the same as before. With careful movements, you stood yourself up, testing your limbs gradually and standing good as new. Without a single scratch on you. Or a single spike skewering you. 

You shook your head to yourself. Maybe you had fainted and dreamt about dying? That was probably it. Yet, you froze when you entered the next room as your dream theory was losing ground. Greeting you was the same rock, the same tile, and the same row of spikes. You pictured the middlemost spike covered in blood, entering your body through the front and poking out the back. You cringed at the mental image, but that was still what it was supposed to be like. You swallowed hard and took tentative steps toward the spikes, lingering your gaze a bit more on the tile switch.

You eyed the spikes with more suspicion this time and keeping a few steps back, pain still echoing in your chest. It burned and crawled at your mind, practically hitting you over the head in warning. For once, you decided to listen to that part of your brain that didn’t like pain and dying. Yeah, to hell with that method. You admitted, you were being hasty. If there’s a way forward, there’s got to be different ways. She mentioned pitfalls; maybe you’d succeed this time. Third time’s a charm, right?

You went back and shoved the rock with your foot until it depressed the tile. There was a resounding click and the spikes retracted into the floor, only leaving several dark holes in their wake. You winced as you stepped over them, memories of red flashing through your mind. You could swear, you saw spots of blood on the floor for a moment, but when you turned to look, all that met you was emptiness.

Your mind, despite it all, turned on autopilot. As you went through each puzzle and trap, you were looking for something, anything that could cause your death. The falls weren’t anywhere near fatal and most of the creatures either avoided you or simply acknowledged your presence before moving on. There was only the occasional rowdy monster which you dodged and moved past easily. Nothing really caught your eye. In the back of your mind, you shivered at the possibility that you would have to go back to the spikes.

A few traps and puzzles later, a pillow of leaves cushioned your fall as you stared up at the crumbling tile that gave in beneath your weight. Each pitfall, it seemed, had thick enough layers of leaves to act as a fairly comfortable nest if it weren’t so scratchy. It almost seemed as if this place was childproofed, all except for the spikes. You let out a sigh. Maybe those really were the only way out. You rolled to your side, not wanting to get up, especially if it was only for that.

“Farmed locally!” a voice screeched from behind you. You barely had time to start before you felt a hard pain in the back of your skull. By now, you were on your feet, wallowing in depression be damned. A very angry-looking scowl was plastered on the face of a comically oversized carrot. Bullets were already forming around the angry vegetable, each bullet taking on strange shapes that didn’t quite form all the way. You took a few steps back, but the vegetable still looked steamed as he stared at where you once laid.

You let out a slight gasp as many green leaves intermingled with the dead ones, bunched in even rows in overturned soil. A tag was placed in the ground at the edge of the soil. In bold, squiggly letters, it said “Property of Vegetoid”.

You slowly looked up to the Vegetoid in question. A pang entered your heart as he stared at his damaged vegetable garden. A wave of shame washed over you. Now, look what you did. You really did just hurt others wherever you went, didn’t you? Whether they be human or monster, it didn’t matter. You backed away a bit slower, but the Vegetoid was not having it. With a yelp of surprise, the world around you went a few shades darker, and that little red heart flew from your chest in front of you.

“Farmed Locally! Very locally!” The bullets that had been forming around the Vegetoid sailed towards you with barely enough time to dodge.

“I-I’m sorry, sir!” you blurted out. The monster cocked his head and cackled softly.

“Plants can’t talk, dummy!” You blinked in surprise at his response.

“B-but, aren’t you talki-

Before you could finish, a smaller bullet coming from the far left slammed into your soul. A wave of pain blossomed from your chest, causing you to curl in on yourself. You clutched your chest hard and watched painfully as an external crack slithered right down the middle of your soul. It looked deeper, unlike the little cracks that ran through the internal parts of the little heart. That one attack from the steamed carrot…caused that? It felt like you were staring at it for an entire minute before you looked back to the Vegetoid who was preparing another attack. Well, it was better than the spikes, right? You exposed your soul right on the path of the hailstorm of bullets. 

The last thing you heard was a shattering sound before your eyes shot open to the view of the cell phone, awaiting your return like nothing had happened.

You let out a sigh and grabbed the cell phone.


	5. Home is where the heart is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And other fortune-cookie sayings that are complete bullshit.

You rested your back against the wall, staring down the barren branches of the massive tree standing tall in the clearing. Dead leaves pile up around the trunk until it looks to be up to your waist in height. Your body ached all over, remnants of fatal injuries ghosting over every inch, wracking your nerves. Every muscle lay perfectly still, dead to the world. You probably couldn’t even move if you wanted to. You were both physically and emotionally exhausted.

You had tried everything from purposefully running into the bullets of a nervous Froggit to dropping head first from a pitfall to get the hardest impact. You even tried the dreaded spikes a few times. Yet, every single time, you woke up in the same place, staring down that stupid cell phone. As you repeatedly died and came back over and over, you felt a violent mix of emotions swirling ever more violently inside you. Frustration, exhaustion, depression, spite…

This was all getting you nowhere. You didn’t know what it was about this place, but you couldn’t die, no matter how hard you tried. And the harder you tried, the more anxious you got. What if there really wasn’t any way to die here at all? If that’s the case, how do you get out of here, if there even is a way out? What if you were here for good? Each question that wracked your mind made you feel even more restless as it dawned on you just how screwed you were. 

“My child?” Your absent gaze darted up, staring at the two concerned eyes meeting yours. You hadn’t even noticed your hands clawing at the sides of your head until you felt Toriel’s hands hold them, rubbing soothing circles into your skin. Gradually, the tension left and you allowed her to take your tiny-looking hands in her large ones. “My child?” she repeated. Your throat felt raspy, but you somehow managed to croak out a response. 

“Y-yes?”

“You’re so pale…are you alright?”

No.

“Yes.”

Toriel gave a hesitant nod and tugged you to your feet. “I apologize, my child. My errands had taken quite a bit longer than I thought. I should not have left you alone for so long…” She looked you up and down, scanning your body for any sign of injury. You had a few scratches underneath the sleeves of your sweater, but they were small enough to be negligible. 

“You must be so tired.” Toriel braced your shoulders. “Fret not, child. We’re going home.” You let her take your hand and guide you past the barren tree, your movements turning mechanical and lifeless. The space around you lost focus and your eyes stagnated on the fibers of her deep purple robe directly in front of you, even though your mind went miles away. 

“Home” was a medium-sized cottage tucked away in a mosaic of shrubbery and rock. When Toriel opened the door, a wave of warmth swept around you and pulled you into the golden-wood interior. Wafts of cinnamon and butterscotch wrapped you in a hug. 

“Home” felt like the house a grandma would have for her grandchildren, always clean, warm, and ready to welcome them at any time. Old wood furniture adorned the house, giving it somewhat of a soft vintage look. 

“Home” had a bedroom down the hall. Toriel told you with a smile that it was yours. Decorated with plush toys and pastel shades of orange and red. It looked like the colors a fire would have, but without the connotation of danger but the promise of warmth and safety. Toriel rushed back down the hall as you ran your fingers over the quilted blanket on the bed. They were plush and too inviting. You flopped onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

You knew “home” didn’t exist anywhere for you. They say home is where the heart is, but what if your heart didn’t lie anywhere except in darkness? The sweet, kind woman opened her arms and her home to you, yet, you met her offer with ambivalence. The thing was, even if you could make this place your home, would you want to?

Part of you thinks you would. For so long, you would stay awake late at night thinking “I want to go home” while you were in your own house with your family. Home didn’t feel like home most of the time. You didn’t feel welcome or included even though there was no evidence to suggest you’d ever be rejected. That longing to feel like you belonged, that you were happy with where you were…it was lost to you, no matter where you were. You’d give anything to feel that coveted sense of happiness and belonging.

At the same time, you were doubting. When you jumped earlier today, you had already consigned yourself to your death. After years of fearing you’ll never find that home, you had finally accepted it. There was a certain peace in believing that there was nothing you or anyone else could do to fix what was far too broken. By accepting defeat, the responsibility to be anything more or to do better is abandoned. 

You were so tired, both from the events of today and the everlasting fog residing in your head. You were tired of everything and wanted to sleep forever. You hoped you would dream of home and never wake up again.


	6. Flying the Coup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's one way to get past Toriel...

You could hear Toriel humming in the kitchen as you dragged your feet across the wooden planks in the living room. You had slept for eleven hours, yet you still felt like you could sleep for an eternity more. Part of you really wanted to crawl back in bed and go back to sleep, but you also knew how dangerous it would be to stay. If you got attached, then your whole plan could be compromised. No, you had to do it. As soon as you saw the back of her purple dress, you cleared your throat just loud enough to make her turn around in attention.

“Ah! Hello, my child! It’s quite late, you must have slept well.” She gave you a warm smile and stepped back to reveal a new pie tin. “I had made snail pie for breakfast…or lunch. Why don’t you sit at the table and I’ll bring you a slice.” You took a breath and stared her dead in the eyes before speaking the words you rehearsed in your mind quite a few times since waking.

“Actually, I’m allergic to, uh, snails.” Funny, it sounded far more confident in your head.

“Ah, I see. That’s a shame…well, is there something in particular you’d like for lunch?” You could see Toriel visibly deflate at the thought of her cooking efforts being in vain. You felt bad, too, because it actually looked quite appetizing. You shifted uncomfortably in your feet before speaking again.

“Um, there was a spider bakery in the ruins, right? Could I have something from there?”

“Oh, of course! Let me just clean up here and we can go together” she exclaimed with a smile. Shit, that wouldn’t work. Your mind got worked up into a frenzy as you scrambled for a counter to her suggestion.

“A-actually, I’m still pretty tired. Humans need a lot of sleep, um, and I wouldn’t want to…fall unconscious on our way over…?” Toriel looked at you with suspicion. You could practically see her bull-shit detector going off in her mind as it should. That was incredibly half-assed, even for you. Still, you hoped that, maybe she would buy it. The fact that the human species was unfamiliar to her must have won over, because she nodded.

“I see…Very well. You go on back to bed, my child. I will be right back.” You smiled and rushed out of the room before she could read any more of the nervousness that must have been branded on your face. For good measure, you turned off the light in your bedroom and pretended to sleep, keeping your breaths slow and even. However, once you heard the click of the front door closing, you rushed into action. You didn’t remember exactly how far away the spider bake sale was, but it was probably close.

You scrawled out a short note on a piece of notebook paper left in one of the drawers, folding it neatly and leaving it on the pillow. Closing the door until you heard the soft click, your mind immediately went to the last place you hadn’t looked in the slightest. Rushing down the stairs to the basement, you felt a chill assault you in the new air. Immediately the atmosphere changed and, even though it was technically her basement, this no longer felt like part of a house. The home above was warm and cozy. This was a cave, the moist, cold air whistling within the hollow halls.

Anxious about when Toriel would return, you wasted no time dashing down the hallway, the former drowsiness in your body yielding to a surge of energy and determination. As you went, the whistles gradually got louder until you could put a name to it. Wind. It was wind. There was wind circulating through a basement. Sure enough, as you rounded the corner, a tall door loomed over you, a crest branded on the sturdy wood. You surveyed the door before taking a step towards it.

“My child!” It was faint, but you could definitely hear it echoing through the long tunnel and it made your feet freeze with how much the tone broke your heart. In those two syllables held so much desperation. Fear. Anxiety. Sadness.

Grief.

You grit your teeth together as you slipped through the door and shut it behind you, willing the tears to slip back into your eyes. No. No more grief. You’re done with that, forever. Creasing your brows, you forced your feet to sprint forward again without the former willingness in your heart. You blew past the remaining hallway to the last door at the very end. The wind grew louder as you approached, practically screaming to come in against the door, calling you to the outside. You didn’t hear the door behind you open. Good. You weren’t worth it, anyway.

Your feet slowed down to a jog, then a stop at the last door, so strikingly similar to the entrance you found when you first realized you were still alive. You felt chills crawling all around you and the wind screamed away. With a steeled expression, you gripped the handle and pulled as hard as you could. A flurry of white fluttered into the darkness and collected on the ground. The cold grew more intense and, once you slipped out through the opening, you could see why.

Everything was covered in snow, the blankets getting thicker as the flakes fell down from the sky. Evergreen trees loomed over you on each side. The small flurries clouded the way in front of you, but you could still make out a path forward. You stopped for a moment. Why the fuck was there weather here, underneath a mountain!? This was so starkly different from the ruins, a place with just a few leaves here and there to signify life other than monsters. This area seemed like a whole other realm, even. One with different rules, different expectations…

Different outcomes, perhaps. Without realizing it, you took a step forward, your foot creating a depression in the snow. Your mind was turning its gears as your feet moved on autopilot. If this was a whole new realm, different from the ruins, would you stay dead if you died? Would you finally not have to wake up to another failed attempt? The realization had you searching for something that would be able to end it, fast.

The sound of a twig snapping from behind reverberates through you. You only turn to look for a moment, the twig lying in shattered pieces on the ground and nothing that would have caused it, not even any footprints. You tilted your head at this before you decided you didn’t care. If someone out here wanted to harm you, let them. The thing about wanting to die is that you’re not afraid of anything that could result in death anymore. If it wasn’t so morbid, you would call it quite relaxing.

Through the fog of the snow, you spotted a rectangular shape of brown. Then, it focused to a gate. A few more steps and you could see a bridge threading through one of the too-wide bars. Your steps went faster until your feet stood at the edge of the bridge running across a massive crevice. With a rush of excitement, you looked down. The bottom was lost in the darkness, fading into a promise that your body would not be found. The rocks that lined both sides of the cliff had jagged edges that may kill you before you reached any kind of bottom. This would be quick, perhaps painful, but deadly nonetheless. Your feet shifted in place at the edge of the bridge, at the edge of your death.

Your heart felt as if it was being pulled by two forces in opposite directions. Your chest felt so much pressure, like a vacuum was sucking all the oxygen from your body, leaving a black hole of tension. 

You were having doubts, weren’t you? No, you weren’t, you knew what you wanted. But, did you? Yes, you did a shred of doubt meant nothing. If you really wanted it why were you feeling so unsure; shouldn’t you be free of doubt before you decide? You’ve wanted to die for so long already decided long ago that you were done with making choices getting hurt and hurting people all the damn time! Plans can be changed just as easily as they are made. Shut the fuck up! You’re going to doing this! There’s no one that can stop you!

Your feet left the bridge and you felt your heart drop thousands of miles down. You wanted your body to follow suit, to just end it all.  
…  
…  
…  
But it refused.  
And, apparently, all it took was some fucking skeleton with a grimace to stop you.


	7. Stranger Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're the only "danger" to yourself.

you were torn between anger and surprise at your current predicament and there were two parts to that. You were literally floating mid-air with the ground plummeting far below you. You noticed your legs were surrounded in a faint, blue halo. The skeleton standing at the ledge was panting, beads of sweat dripping down his skull. His hand was outstretched and encased in a similar blue halo. That all was the surprising part. The angry part was that this fucking skeleton just ruined your attempt!

With a few flicks of his wrist, your body was floated across the crevice and on the solid ground. When you touched down on the snow, you tried to move, but your feet wouldn’t oblige, like a weight was pressing down on them. You tried gripping your ankle and yanking the limb free, but it did no good. Instead, the fabric of a blue jacket came into your view.

You swallowed hard. Not good. Not good! Inch by inch, your gaze lifted to the hollow eye sockets and frown of a skeleton with the look that screams “what the fuck were you trying to do!?” Still, you wouldn’t answer. You just stopped your efforts of trying to haul the rest of your body into motion. Your eyes locked with the skeleton’s and you could barely see two faded lights floating deep within his skull. You stared at them for a while before his eyes closed with a lengthy exhale. The hand encased in blue retreated into the pocket of his jacket and his shoulders visibly relaxed.

“phew…you alright there, kid?” His eyes opened again, the lights coming back brighter than before. His grimace turned into a lazy grin.

“Um, yeah. I’m fine. Thanks for, uh, catching me” you manage to squeak out.

“no prob, kid. you should really be more careful next time. path can get really icy around these parts.” You highly doubted it looked like you just losing your footing, but you still hoped that’s what it appeared. It would be less trouble for you if that were the case. You stood up, no longer under the influence of his telekinesis-weirdness, and dusted the snowflakes off your pants. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed he was regarding you with slight curiosity. “so, you’re a human, right? that’s, uh, cool” he mumbled before extending a bony hand toward you. “i’m sans. sans the skeleton.” You wrestled up a smile before giving him your hand and-

Pfffffffffffffftttt.

Immediately, you swiped your hand out of his, startled. Yet, his shoulders bounced with laughter. “heheheh, the old whoppee cushion in the hand trick. it’s always funny.” His grin spread across his face like he’d just told the ultimate joke. You snorted silently at his valiant attempt at humor. Sans shoved his hands in his pockets and regarded you with chuckling curiosity. “so, uh-“

“Thank you again for catching me, sir. But, I must get going” you curtly interrupted. You gave him one last smile before turning away to the rest of the path. No more getting attached with anyone, you promised yourself. The outline of some semblance to a path was blurred by the snow, but you could manage.

“so, where’re ya going?” Sans fell into step next to you, dragging his feet a little as he went. You tried to give him as little acknowledgement as possible.

“Nowhere” you mumbled apathetically.

“huh. you’re in a pretty big hurry to get nowhere.” You gave a small sigh. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the type to pick up on hints.

“I’m, uh, heading home.” To be fair, that wasn’t a total lie in the grand scheme of things…

“strange. didn’t know a human was living in the underground. especially in a small town like snowdin. ‘m surprised i haven’t heard of ya yet.”

“I’ve been trying to keep to laying low…” Out of your peripheral, you could barely catch a silent sneer from the skeleton.

“gotcha. welp, i’m headed there myself so i guess i’ll join you. y’know…in case you slip and fall off a bridge again…” Ouch. That was…very specifically worded. His voice seemed to crawl to a low rumble at the last few words. Suddenly, you felt really uncomfortable in his presence. Every voice in your mind was screaming get out, get out, get out.

“Actually, I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m fine by myself.” Your breath caught in your throat as a bony hand clenched around your shoulder. You spun around to be nose-to-nose with two black voids for eyes and a tight grin.

“actually, i don’t mean to be rude either, but i don’t think i believe you, kid." His deep voice rumbled and took on a serious edge. Your mind seemed to go blank under his gaze, holding its breath and making the world around you deafeningly silent. Yet, your mouth seemed to move without your consent.

“Why do you care?” The skeleton blinked and the lights in his eyes returned. His body visibly relaxed as he shrugged, his grip loosening but still firm.

“meh. just bein’ a friendly skeleton.”

“Okay…sure.” You didn’t know what exactly you were agreeing to. Maybe accepting that this guy wasn’t nearly as oblivious as you thought, that you weren’t getting out of this easily. Shivers crawled up and down your back at your new predicament. Despite the wind howling around you, it was a vaccumm of sound between the two of you.

Wait…that wind is way too high pitched to be wind.

You glanced back towards the path and spots of red fast approach through the haze of the snow along with that continuous yell that matched the drawl of the wind.

“saaaaaaaaaaAaAaAAAAAAAAANS!!!” 

The tall skeleton screeched to a stop in front of you and you had to arch your neck in order to take in his entire form. He put his gloved hands on his hips, his chest puffing out in a cheap-looking breastplate.

“’sup, bro?” Sans asked nonchalantly.

“YOU KNOW WHAT’S UP, BROTHER! YOU STILL HAVEN’T RECALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES! AND WHAT’S MORE, YOU ABANDONED YOUR STATION! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES BY!?” The skeleton bellows out to which Sans just shrugs.

“guess they’ll just have to chill until i get back.” You couldn’t help but quirk up the corner of your mouth as the other groaned.

“NYEH! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR YOUR OBNOXIOUS PUNS! YOU MUST GET BACK TO YOUR STATION POST-HASTE!” You brightened a bit at that. To be frank, both of you wanted Sans to go back to his station, if only so you wouldn’t feel like your soul was being stared into, both metaphorically and literally. You were about to shuffle away and let the brothers have their spat when you felt an arm wrapping around your shoulders. 

“can’t do that, pap. i’m walking my new friend here home.” You stiffened and sent a sideways glare at the smiling skeleton who looked all too proud of himself. The taller one, on the other hand, stared at you like he had just noticed you standing there.

“OH? YOU MADE A FRIEND? THAT’S WONDERFUL!” You flinched as he snatched up your hand and shook it vigorously. “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SOON-TO-BE ROYAL GUARD OF SNOWDIN!” Between the two brothers, you were totally trapped. Fuck.

“Um, hi…” You mumbled, a bit unsure of what to say. Papyrus looked you up and down and cocked his head. 

“CURIOUS, I’VE NEVER SEEN A MONSTER LIKE YOU BEFORE. TELL ME, SMALL CREATURE, WHAT ARE YOU!?”

You were no stranger to lying. As a child, it was practically mandatory to lie in order to keep everything together. Yet, for every possible question you imagined in your mind, you came up with an answer way ahead of time. You practiced it in your mind, replayed scenario after scenario. What you were never able to master was the ability to lie on your feet. That was how stories got jumbled. So here, your mind came to a blank. What monsters looked the most humans? All the monsters you’ve seen so far looked nothing like you, so you couldn’t grab a name from there. As you stared into his eyes, searching for some kind of answer, you felt a pang in your heart. He smiled so earnestly. You didn’t want to lie but-

“Um, human” you yielded. After you spoke it, you couldn’t help but feel relief and regret as Papyrus’s grin slightly drooped and his eyes widened. 

“EXCUSE ME. I NEED TO SPEAK WITH MY BROTHER BRIEFLY.” In one swift motion, Papyrus swept Sans off his feet from your own side to a short distance away. His body hunched over Sans’s stout form. You watched San’s lips move, too far away to hear. Yet, you heard Papyrus’s voice clear as a bell. It was clear he was trying to keep it quiet to no avail. 

“BROTHER, I THINK YOU MAY HAVE UNKNOWINGLY BEFRIENDED A HUMAN…YES! IT IS A GOOD THING YOU HAVE ME, THE GREAT AND PERCEPTIVE PAPYRUS, TO POINT IT OUT!” Papyrus gripped Sans’s shoulders tightly. “SANS, THIS IS THE ULTIMATE CHANCE! WE MUST CAPTURE THEM! WE MUST BRING THEM TO UNDYNE!” After one last shrug from Sans, Papyrus marches back, looming in front of you. 

“HUMAN, WE’VE COME TO A CONCLUSION! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL CAPTURE YOU WITH THE MOST PUZZELING OF PUZZLES!” Looking from Papyrus to Sans, you wonder if that’s the conclusion they both came to or the one Papyrus came to. Regardless, it seemed that Papyrus had the reigns now. “CONTINUE ONLY IF YOU DARE!”

You almost fell backwards as he turned and dashed off in the other direction, cape nearly smacking into your face. His voice gradually faded in the distance as he trumpeted his own brand of a battle cry. “NYEH HEH HeH hEh heh heh”

“welp. that went well” Sans commented once there was complete silence in the grove of evergreen trees.

“So, are you gonna capture me now or what?” You waste no time in getting to the point. Sans regarded you for a moment before shaking his head.

“nah, i don’t really feel like capturing anybody. but, hey, papyrus seems to be having fun.” You nod in acknowledgement. The large skeleton did seem one that was easily excitable. He had an energy that was hard not to smile at. As you stared into empty space in the direction that Papyrus had run off to, a bony hand rested on your shoulder, not strong enough to hold you in place but enough to get your attention.

“listen. i can try to stop you from doing anything stupid. but, at the end of the day, i can’t really control what you want or don’t want to do. but, y’know…it would make my bro really happy if you just played along for a while.” His deep voice was actually quite comforting when it wasn’t used in an accusatory manor. You looked down at your feet and hugged your arms together.

“…I don’t really feel like doing anything right now” you mumbled. You really hadn’t felt like doing anything for a long time. Sans chuckled as he came into your line of sight. You didn’t pick your head up to meet his eyes, so all you saw was his grey sweater beneath his jacket and basketball shorts.

“eh, can’t judge ya for that. i can understand that it’d be hard.” His voice trailed off into silence. You hugged your arms tighter around yourself.

“There’s got to be an exit”

“if you say so. you seem pretty determined to get there” Sans drawled as he walked past your shoulder in the direction you came from. When you turned to face him, he was shooting you a cheeky grin and a wink. “regardless, i’ll still keep an eye socket out for ya.”

You barely had time to process the pun before you blinked and he was out of sight with only his footprints leaving any evidence that he was there at all.

**Author's Note:**

> DeviantART: https://meemie7.deviantart.com/


End file.
